You’re Only Human: This Is What Healing Really Is
September 20th, 2021 at 12:50 pm
There are two types of newly single people – those who are openly heartbroken and those who are openly trying to convince others (and themselves) that they’ve healed. Yes, healing looks different for everyone, but what’s the same for all of us is that healing isn’t linear.
Even after spending a weekend crying it out, you can’t expect to have removed the pain entirely – healing is an ongoing process of making it feel less intense and more manageable. One day you’ll embrace your newfound independence, the other you’ll experience fear and loneliness. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed!
Moving one step forward and three steps back still counts as progress. In an Instagram post by London-based integrative psychotherapist, Seerut K. Chawla MBACP, she compares healing to an old injury, which can sometimes still hurt after being significantly healed – that is the normal human experience after all.
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Here are 6 indicators of what healing really is:
You don’t avoid your feelings.
Healing and growth can only begin to take place when we finally address our feelings. It may seem easier to avoid our emotions, but then we’ll also have to deal with the difficult consequences of acting out. Healing takes away the power of pain, that makes avoidance seem necessary, and instead, allows you to sit with the discomfort.
You’re able to take accountability.
Taking accountability does not mean taking the blame, it means understanding the impact of your own actions on yourself and others. Reflect on your role in the relationship and choose healing over repeating past patterns unconsciously. We are not responsible for what others say or do, but we are fully responsible for ourselves and our actions.
You’re more patient with the process.
Like we mentioned above, healing isn’t linear. Once you accept it as an ever-changing process, you’ll be able to show yourself more compassion when times get rough. Remember that bad days are temporary and they still count as progress. Turn your feelings of powerlessness and helplessness into the realisation that moving forward is possible.
You blame yourself less.
Everything is not your fault. Know when to forgive yourself, especially if you’ve forgiven others, and break the habit of self-blame. Practice mindfulness to help you understand the situation better, and place the blame and responsibility where it actually belongs. If you still feel guilty, work on becoming more conscious of your patterns without judgement.
You understand your triggers.
Triggers are emotional reactions that show you where you need healing – avoiding them won’t help. Explore your emotional triggers in a safe space by revisiting the discomfort, and identifying what triggered you and how you responded. This will allow you to develop a healthier response and reduce the impact it has on you.
You’re able to set boundaries.
Begin prioritising self-care and self-compassion. When you start to heal, you’ll be able to clarify what is and isn’t your responsibility, set clearer boundaries and actually stick to them. Respected boundaries establish relationships that are emotionally healthy on all sides. Protect your emotional space with ease and kindness.
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